


Sweet Seventeen

by E_J_Morgan



Series: Q-niverse AU [15]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Birthday, Gen, Q is a Holmes, Teenage!Q
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-11 15:28:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8996203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_J_Morgan/pseuds/E_J_Morgan
Summary: Q-niverse AU – The resident genius is turning 17. It calls for a party! If they'd just manage to get rid of the intruding lunatics called 'Holmes' first…





	1. The Best Laid Plans...

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas! :)

The early morning of October 10, Monday found all the Double-Os, Moneypenny, Tanner, every other department heads (except for Q) sitting in one of the conference rooms of HQ, waiting for their boss to appear to tell them why they had all been summoned to a sudden and unexpected meeting. It was not usual for such a diverse group to be briefed together on any subject. After all: what topic could concern agents and accountants alike? They had all tried interrogating Moneypenny about it, since as personal assistant and secretary to M, she had the most insight into his plans, but this time, she had only shrugged unhelpfully.

 

“I really have no idea, guys. He didn’t tell me any more about it than what you already know: that we were all to be here in this room today sharply at 8:00 AM to receive important information.” – She explained and looked just as confused about it as everyone else.

 

Just as the leader of the IT-department had started to whine about having better things to do than waiting here for ages for who knows what, M appeared in the door, cleared his throat loudly and surveilled the scene.

 

“Miss Moneypenny, I trust that everyone I asked to come today is present?”

 

“Yes, sir, everyone is here.”

 

“Very good.” – He said nodding, then closed the door and took his seat at the head of the table. – “First of all: welcome, everyone, and thank you for coming. I know most of you would probably have more interesting things to do than sit here and listen to an old man’s boring babblings…” – He gave a meaningful look to the Head of IT-Branch who sank deeper into his chair, looking absolutely embarrassed. – “… but I’m afraid we have important things to discuss.”

 

“Sir, excuse me for interrupting” – Began the Chief of Staff. – “But I realized we’re missing someone…”

 

“Mr. Tanner, I believe I just asked Miss Moneypenny if everyone I had invited was here and she confirmed it. Right, Miss Moneypenny?”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“Well, then, I can’t see any problem.”

 

Tanner still looked unsure.

 

“But, with all due respect, sir, Q---“

 

“The Quartermaster doesn’t need to be here for this briefing.” – Bill, Eve and all the Double-Os looked at each other alarmed. Even the other department heads blinked confusedly. Everyone knew that Q was M’s right-hand man since the new order of things had been instituted in MI6. Saying he wasn’t needed for something as big as this seemed to be was absolutely scandalous. What could have happened?

 

M looked to be totally unfazed by the sudden surge of anger directed towards him from the teenager’s loyal friends though, and continued as if there hadn’t been an interruption at all.

 

“As I was saying, we have important matters to discuss, more precisely two: one joyous occasion and one rather unnerving… Which one would you like to hear first?”

 

“Ahm, I think… Maybe the worse one? So that maybe the good news will make up for it and calm us down a little afterwards…” – Mused 009 and everyone nodded in agreement.

 

“That sounds logical. All right then: I just received notice that Mr. Mycroft Holmes himself would like to inspect our organization personally this week. I trust you all know whom I’m talking about and I don’t have to explain to any of you what that means.” – There was a deafening silence after that statement where the present people tried to gather their thoughts. It was the leader of the Security Department who managed to speak first.

 

“What!?” – Well, more like squeak then, actually… - “Mycroft Holmes? THE Mycroft Holmes? The one who has the entire Parliament and every politician dancing to his tune?”

 

“Yes, Mr. Ford, exactly him.”

 

“But what does he want here? He has never come here before!” – Exclaimed Alec, having had the misfortune to hear frightening stories about the Ice-Man in the past.

 

“I don’t know, 006, but now he wants to come. And if he wants to come, he will, of that you can be sure.”

 

“But… but… sir, that man is said to be the most powerful and merciless person ever. And it’s somewhat of a common knowledge that he has a psychopath for a brother! The one that everyone knows behaves like he’s some kind of detective mastermind, even though he doesn’t even work for the police. It’s unheard of.”

 

“Yes!” – Interjected 009. – “We’re lucky there aren’t more of them! Just imagine what a third Holmes could be like with two brothers like that!”

 

Everyone shuddered at the mere thought of more lunatics of a similar kind sharing the planet with them.

 

Moneypenny continued with even more conviction:

 

“We really don’t need folks like that snooping around in here.”

 

“I know all of these, Miss Moneypenny but my hands are tied. Even though he officially doesn’t have any direct influence on us, he could make our lives very difficult if we don’t cooperate.”

 

“And what exactly is expected of us?” – Inquired Bond, already bracing himself for the answer he was most definitely not going to like.

 

“I honestly don’t know what he wants here but I guess he’ll want a tour around. Which is why I wanted to talk to the department heads: I would like all of you and your teams to be ready for an eventual inspection on Friday. That’s when he’ll come, presumably with a committee. Mr. Tanner and myself are going to escort them and – if we can manage to arrange it like that – I want them to skip visiting Q-Branch.”

 

“Why? Q and his minions – sorry sir: employees – make wonders work down there. It’s something MI6 can be proud of! If we have to make a good impression then this is the place where we can show off.”

 

“I know that very well, 004, that’s exactly the reason: Q-Branch is simply too stellar. I don’t want Mycroft Holmes to get ideas about wanting to have the boy for himself… Because if Mycroft Holmes wants something, he gets it, and I absolutely refuse to let him take _our_ Quartermaster! Olivia Mansfield and then later I have successfully managed to keep the very existence of Q top secret ever since he joined MI6 nearly 5 years ago. And I have every intention for it to remain that way.”

 

Everyone started to panic at the thought that they could lose Q because at first nobody had thought about that possibility but now that M had mentioned it, it just seemed too frighteningly possible. Men like Mycroft Holmes wanted “potentially dangerous tools” like a genius child for themselves, of that nobody had any doubt.

 

“WHAT!?” – Shouted 006. – “You don’t think? What? It’s not… Impossible… NO!”

 

Rodriguez rolled his eyes.

 

“What my very eloquent colleague wanted to say was that it could only happen over our dead bodies.” – He translated.

 

“Yes, I completely agree, 008, but the problem is: when Mycroft Holmes is involved, I’m afraid even that could be easily arranged. Besides, we can never know what illegal and unauthorized things go on down there in Q-Branch. It’s actually dangerous to have any civilians there: just imagine they touch something and it explodes. Also, the last thing we need is Holmes finding Q in the middle of hacking MI5 or something similar. No, it’s best if he doesn’t meet Q and doesn’t see anything they’re doing.”

 

“All right. We’ll make sure he’s busy in other parts of the building.” – Nodded Tanner, desperately wanting to keep his surrogate son safe and out of the clutches of the enemy. Especially an enemy as dangerous as this Holmes sounded to be. ‘Mycroft’, really… Who in their right mind would give their child that name? Someone with a name like that could certainly only mean trouble. – “We’ll show him everything else. Anything that can be interesting and will take up a lot of time… Ideas?”

 

“Well, he can come and see us training. Not on Q-Branch’s training field, obviously, but on our own.” – Suggested Mason.

 

“He can overview our documents – everything is fine with them.” – Stated proudly the head of Accounting, eager to show to his boss that he was always up to date with his department’s work and always ready for any random inspection. Even if the dreaded Holmes himself wanted to come.

 

“Let him control Security. He’ll have to admit we’re very well protected.” – Offered the Chief of Security, sitting up a bit straighter, demonstrating his own version of readiness to please.

 

In just a few minutes Moneypenny had a list of at least twenty activities that that ‘insufferable’ Mycroft Holmes and his ‘disgustingly nosy’ committee could be engaged in during their visit and that of course didn’t include him going anywhere near Q-Branch and finding out about them hiding a priceless teenage genius that would be capable of taking over the whole world even half-asleep, in between his morning and midday cups of Earl Grey, should he wish to do so.

 

“Sir, don’t you think you could send Q away for the day? Maybe it would be safer for him not to be in HQ at all during the visit.”

 

“I have of course thought of it, 001, but the problem is: we’ll need him here that day. And that brings us to the next, far more cheerful topic: on Friday, our little magician boy will turn seventeen!” – He declared fondly.

 

“Oh, yes, that’s right, Friday is the 14th.” – Agreed Alec. – “Still not legal to drink though. – He sounded put off by that fact.

 

Mallory just shot him a condemning look, imitated by various other people. (Not by Bond though who probably whole-heartedly agreed with Alec’s lament.)

 

“So, I was thinking of throwing him a party in the evening. Of course I hadn’t known about the inspection when I started planning it, but… well… I hope we can still manage to make it unforgettable for him.”

 

“Of course we can! We will!” – Moneypenny became instantly very enthusiastic and already had at least a hundred ideas whirling around in her head for the party. Oh, how she liked occasions like that!

 

Mallory looked to all the Double-Os.

 

“Agents, I arranged for all of you to be here this week and also next week because Mr. Tanner has informed me he intends to take the boy for a vacation as a birthday present, so Q won’t be here to manage any missions until the week after. I know R has been trying herself as a handler but I think you’ll all agree it’s better to wait for Q if it’s possible.

 

All of the agents vigorously nodded. They still vividly remembered the one occasion a mission had needed to be completed without Q there to help them (the boy had been undercover at that time and thus unavailable to speak to); none of them wished for a repeat performance of that. It had surely given the teenager a new level of appreciation (if that was even possible) as soon as he had returned.

 

“We absolutely agree with you sir, we will gladly wait for the kid to come back.”

 

“Hopefully, nothing will come up in that time that requires our immediate attention. As it is, you’re all scheduled for your yearly psych- and medical evaluation and fitness testing for that period of time. Most of you have sadly neglected these duties in the past anyway.

 

“WHAT!?” – Shouted at least five agents at the same time in horror.

 

“Is there a problem, gentlemen?”

 

At M’s raised eyebrow all of them shrunk back and a few muttered “no, sir”s dejectedly. They knew it was no use arguing with the boss about it and it seemed Q wouldn’t be present to save them from this hell. (He was usually willing to sign their charts containing the made-up results without them actually having to attend any of the above mentioned activities and of course nobody dared argue with the second in command so there was no danger of the medical department reporting their cheating. In exchange the boy only ever asked them to participate in Q-Branch’s weapon- and gadget tests which were always a lot of fun so they were more than fine with it.)

 

Moneypenny laughed and mouthed ‘cowards’ towards them, careful not to be seen by Mallory while Doctor Clifford’s (the head of Medical) mouth curled into an evil grin with anticipation.

 

They then proceeded to plan the details of the party.


	2. Oh. My. God.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find future story titles and publishing dates when you click on the series 'Q-niverse AU'.
> 
> Happy New Year! :)

It was Friday morning and MI6 was in uproar. They didn’t really know at what time they should expect Mycroft Holmes to arrive with his team but surely, it could be anytime now… M was sitting at his desk, irritably playing with his pen while Tanner was pacing from one end of the room to the other. Eve Moneypenny – usually the calm one and the voice of reason – couldn’t find any words to placate them so she wisely remained silent, sitting in an armchair and trying not to fidget too noticeably.

 

They had already checked and made sure that all the departments were ready for the visitors with interesting – and hopefully time-consuming – things to show them. Also, R had been informed about the situation. She knew of the danger and, if the worst were to happen, to try to keep Q out of sight and their general activity low. Uninteresting. Not an easy feat to manage in their department but she had promised to do her best.

 

In the meantime Q was busy in the garage of Q-Branch, making improvements on Alec’s modified Rolls-Royce. He had just finished a few rounds of test run with it and was now reprograming its computer to try out his new ideas. Being that engrossed in a work he liked very much (he had a thing for cars, not that anyone knew it…), he hadn’t even noticed the nervous atmosphere that loomed over the whole MI6 that day. He didn’t know about any inspections and didn’t even remember it was his own birthday that day. He was blissfully oblivious to everything going on around him, just like most of the time when he had a lot to do.

 

**Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q**

 

The clock was striking 9 AM when Mycroft Holmes arrived and announced his presence in MI6 Headquarters with only one person accompanying him: the other man was very lean and tall, wore a long black trench coat with a dark-blue scarf around his neck and had messy dark curls and piercing blue eyes. Mallory, Tanner and Moneypenny found him somehow strangely familiar as they greeted the visitors, though they couldn’t place him for the life of them.

 

When he was introduced as Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes’ younger brother, they mentally shuddered: brilliant, two of them at once! Both having a non-so favorable reputation everyone had of course heard about. But it still didn’t explain why they would have a feeling as if they had already met Sherlock Holmes in person, even though they obviously hadn’t… It was unlikely anyone would forget a meeting with a … _phenomenon_ like that. Still, there was just something familiar in his posture…

 

“Welcome, sirs.” – Greeted M, trying to ignore the funny feeling. He also tried not to be bothered by the fact that none of the two Holmeses seemed interested in learning the welcoming committee’s names or even pay attention to the introductions. They seemed somewhat anxious to get over the pleasantries and into the heart of the building at once. – “Mr. Holmes, you may deposit your umbrella into the cloakroom and then---“

 

“No.”

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

“I don’t want to leave my umbrella in the cloakroom or anywhere else for that matter.”

 

“Oh… well… if you’d rather keep it with you all the time…”

 

“I’d rather. You’re a great observer, Mr. Mallory.”

 

“Ahm… all right then… Let’s go…”

 

The hosts took their visitors to Accounting first but that division didn’t seem to fascinate the two Holmes men at all. Sherlock Holmes even muttered something that suspiciously sounded like ‘He’s sure as hell not going to be here.’ – though they couldn’t hear right, he said it too softly, so they couldn’t be sure. As it was, they had deeply offended the department’s head with their lack of interest. Not that the man dared say anything but the expression on his face spoke volumes.

 

Mycroft Holmes demanded to be taken to the IT-Department so that was where they headed next.

 

When they arrived, both Holmes men looked around with searching eyes, as if trying to find something or someone.

 

“Is everyone here today?” – Asked Mycroft Holmes.

 

“Ahm… No, sir, the computer analysts work in shifts. This is approximately the half of the group.” – Answered the department head. – “I could show you the whole list if you would like to see it.”

 

“Yes, we obviously would like to see it; why else would we have asked?” – Said Sherlock Holmes, looking irritated. – “Even though I don’t know how we would recognize his alias…”

 

M couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“Sirs, are you looking for someone in particular?”

 

“Yes, as a matter of fact, we indeed are.” – Stated Mycroft Holmes simply, not bothering to offer further explanation. He took only one glance at the list before dismissing it completely. – “I’m sure you also have computer technicians working in other departments, don’t you?”

 

“Ahm…” – M didn’t know what to say to that. In reality, they obviously did have other computer technicians: in Q-Branch. The place they wanted to avoid at all costs. But he didn’t want to risk denying it to either of them and then be found out, because both men had a very widely known reputation about their ability to be able to tell if they were being lied to at any time. It was honestly very creepy, like being subjected to an interrogation connected to a lie-detector. – “Ahm…”

 

“So, you have, and you don’t want us to meet them for some reason. Hm…” – Deduced Sherlock. – “You want to keep someone from us. You---“

 

“Sherlock, it’s enough!” – Scolded him the older brother. – “Mr. Mallory, I suggest you show us to the other computer technicians, right now.”

 

“Very well. Follow us please.”

 

They were so doomed.

 

**Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q**

 

Tanner, Moneypenny and M led the two visitors into Q-Branch, praying that Q was still working hidden away wherever he went when he disappeared and that the Double-Os were doing their designated task (namely keeping the boy away) right.

 

“This is the Q-Branch, sirs, our research and development division. We call it R&D.”

 

“How creative. I wonder who came up with it.” – Rolled his eyes Sherlock.

 

M swallowed uncomfortably, momentarily unable to continue.

 

“Yes, well… ahm… There are some computer specialists working here as well.” – Explained Tanner in a forced calm, even uninterested manner, trying to play the whole thing down as if this place hadn’t been the most interesting and most important part of the whole MI6.

 

“Fascinating. We would never have guessed it.” – Said Sherlock Holmes, actually having the audacity to roll his eyes again. – “I don’t suppose you could show us some interesting things in here, hm? Something that’s not quite as dull as the rest of that pathetic---”

 

“Sherlock!”

 

“All right: of that _highly_ _respectable_ institute.”

 

The three MI6 agents looked at each other in alarm. Now what should they do? Luckily, as if sensing their dilemma, R stepped forward to help them out, moving with a self-assured air in the company of these two dreaded men nobody would have expected from the petite woman who actually didn’t have much experience dealing with anyone outside Q-Branch, since it was usually Q’s job to keep in touch with other departments.

 

“Sirs, I’m currently the highest ranking member of staff here. If you would like me to, I could show you some gadgets we’ve been working on lately. Here, please, they’re that way.”

 

She took them only a few tables to the left where she proceeded with a detailed explanation about an old tracking device, several years outdated, most probably fished from the deepest bottom of one of old-Q’s drawers. (A few desks and closets had survived in a relative good state the explosion so they now treated these items as relics from another, far-away era. Like pre-historic…) Q – the genius boy – wouldn’t even look twice at a thing like that for sure. The visitors didn’t seem too impressed with it either but it all sounded believable enough not to get suspicious, even if they were dealing with two Holmes men.

 

The MI6 members realized that all the ‘minions’ (as Q so affectionately called them) were typing much slower than usual, their monitors showing nothing but endless white numbers running on a completely black background, and all of them were actually looking slightly bored. It must have been R’s idea. M decided the girl was a miracle worker and made a mental note to talk to Q about maybe raising her salary in the near future or giving her an unusually high premium at the end of the year feast.

 

**Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q**

 

By the fifth fake gadget (a simple, at least 10 years old bullet-proof vest which looked and worked exactly the same way like those that could be found among any other army’s and police’s standard equipment), Sherlock Holmes finally lost his patience and exclaimed:

 

“That is so _dull_ , I’m not even sure if I’m still alive or have already dropped dead of mere boredom. We would like to see the list of the workers now.”

 

R looked unfazed.

 

“I don’t have such a list ready, sirs, but I’ll be glad to have made you one and send it per e-mail for you to study it in peace in your own office.” – Explained patiently R.

 

“Lady, don’t tell me you don’t know without prior preparation who works here?”

 

“I didn----“

 

“What’s going on here?” – Everyone turned to the new addition who had asked this question: Q, looking like he hadn’t slept in two days (it was regrettably probably true too), wearing ridiculously big, totally oil-smeared clothes and with some serious-looking, obviously quite recent bruises on his hands stood in the entrance of Q-Branch, taking in the scene confusedly.

 

He was accompanied by all Double-Os who looked like they had been trying – and obviously gravely failing – to keep the boy from entering his branch. Two of them were waving around their guns to demonstrate grave problems with them that absolutely had to be looked at right then, in Q-Branch’s shooting range, far away from the main office area where unwelcome guests were about to make everyone cry in frustration. Well, that had been the general idea anyway. Now, they just looked helplessly at M and some even shook their heads sadly. 001 mouthed ‘we did everything we could think of’ soundlessly to a shaking Tanner.

 

Before anyone could have said anything to try to save the day, the tired teenager seemed to finally realize they had company. Not that it awakened any non-existent self-preservation instincts in him of course. Quite the contrary: his eyes first got round in surprise then quickly darkened with anger as he asked:

 

“Just what the _hell_ are the two of you doing here!?”

 

Everyone stood frozen on spot, looking terrified. Tanner’s eyes actually started to water in fear for ‘his boy’, Moneypenny had her mouth widely open in a silent ‘oh’, while M seemed like he wanted nothing more than to faint so that he wouldn’t have to see the grave consequences of the question that were sure to inevitably follow. The agents all paled noticeably, R and the minions covered. Nobody uttered a word.

 

The silence was broken by Mycroft Holmes who answered in a dangerously low voice:

 

“What kind of a greeting is that?”

 

“Well, excuse me if I’m a bit surprised, I wasn’t warned about outsiders coming. I ask again: what are you doing here? It’s _my_ branch!”

 

“ _Your_ branch?” – Echoed Sherlock, for once confused. He hated how his little brother was able to make him lose his confidence again and again when nobody else (okay, maybe with the exception of Mycroft sometimes) had the ability to do the same.

 

Instead of answering, Q looked around, until he spotted the items on the table and at once visibly brightened.

 

“Wow, guys, where did you find these old things?” – He inspected the fake gadgets with the enthusiasm of a little boy seeing the Christmas tree and finding presents under it. – “Oh, I actually remember that one! This tracking device was used for the old Nokia cells; old Boothroyd let me experiment with one like that once! I didn’t know we still had them, I thought everything got destroyed in the explosion. Is today ‘retro party day’? Will there be costumes from the 90s as well?”

 

“Ahm… sir, could we possibly talk about that later? Please?” – Pleaded R, chancing a glance at the two visitors and taking note of their murderous expressions. – “I don’t think this is the best time.”

 

Q looked totally unaware of the danger, only confused about his friends’ behavior. The poor, naive child…

 

“Okay… So, should I ask my question about why nobody is doing any actual work on their computers also later?”

 

R seemed to want to cry.

 

“Probably, sir.”

 

“All right then. We’ll get back to it when you deem the time right for the conversation; preferably in the near future, please. I don’t like being kept in the dark for long. Besides: I’d hoped everyone was capable to play this ‘find the error in the codes’ game at a much higher level by now. This is running so slow, you should be able to spot the hidden typos even half asleep right away.” – He said, pointing at the computer screens that still had illegible numbers and letters scrolling on them. – “You’ve missed two already, Lionel. You know it’s ‘game over’ by the third.” – He then shrugged and turned to the small group standing in the middle of the room. – “M, sir, were you looking for me?”

 

“No, Q, it’s okay, you can go into your office while we continue our inspection in---“

 

“We’re not going anywhere and neither is he.” – Stated Sherlock Holmes with fury, having of course caught on to the scheme. These insufferable geeks had made fools of them! The nerve!

 

One of the female minions suddenly burst out in tears at that and ran out of the room. A male minion was shaking so much, he dropped his pen and as he tremblingly wanted to retrieve it from the floor, hit his head on his table with a load ‘bang’.

 

“See, now you’ve upset my people! Are you all right, Vincent?”

 

“Yes, sir, thank you.” – Squeaked the man, rubbing his head and wincing.

 

“Good. Sarah, please go and comfort Julie. Tell her it’s quite all right. Everyone: you have a break, go eat and drink something. You’re allowed to use the game consoles in the recreation room until we finish here, just please: play nothing violent. The last time you had a competition of ‘Mad Max’ it took me nearly two hours to pick up the mess afterwards. I still haven’t replaced all the glasses you broke when the actual fight got out of hand. We’re also out of Band-Aid I’m afraid.”

 

The minions were so grateful to be able to leave the room, Q had a feeling they would have hugged him, hadn’t they been too scared to even breath let alone do anything else. They filed out of the room like frightened schoolchildren.

 

When all of them had left, Q turned back to the two surprised-looking men.

 

“I don’t appreciate you wreaking havoc in here. My people are quite young, relatively new to the world of espionage and still easily intimidated. They don’t need you coming here and terrorizing them.”

 

“We didn’t do anything to _your_ people.”

 

“And then why are they all so utterly terrified?”

 

“How could we know? Maybe they think I’m a vampire. It wouldn’t be the first time children think that of me.” – Shrugged Sherlock nonchalantly, as if he really couldn’t care less if some kids thought him to be a dangerous killing bloodsucker.

 

“They’re not children! They highly trained professional workers here! Maybe it’s you who should just---“

 

“Q!” – Tanner grabbed the boy’s shoulder and turned him around to be able to look him directly into the eyes, trying to outright hypnotize him into paying attention and understanding the direness of the situation. – “You should follow your own advice and go take a break. Maybe go to Medical to have your hands checked out.”

 

“My hands are fine. I’m not going anywhere. This is my branch!”

 

“Of course he’s not going anywhere. Someone bring him Band-Aid. Why don’t they have here some? What kind of safety policy is that? Outrageous!” – Demanded Mycroft.

 

“You don’t give orders in MY branch!” – Everyone gasped horrified. They all knew – apparently with the exception of the teenager – that Mycroft Holmes gave orders _everywhere_. And those orders were all better carried out to the fullest.

 

Oddly, Mycroft didn’t seem particularly bothered about the boy’s imprudence.

 

“Why do you keep repeating it’s _your_ branch and _your_ people?” – Asked Sherlock, growing more and more impatient. – “Working here doesn’t make it yours.”

 

“It is MINE because I’m the Quartermaster, running this division and they are MY people because I hired them, I train them and they’re my responsibility!” – That’s it. He had said it. There was no taking it back. His well-kept secret shuttered in just one second. But fortunately, right now he was too angry to care about it.

 

“WHAT!? Quartermaster? Like THE Quartermaster? Quartermaster of MI6?” – Mycroft just didn’t seem able to believe it. He of course knew about the importance of the Quartermaster though he suspected there was even more to it than what he had heard. He had never cared until now to pay attention to things like that about MI6. – “Who would give a teenager such a high position?”

 

“The previous M, apparently.” – Answered Q, trying to regain his cool head.

 

“You must be kidding.” – Stated Sherlock. – “You are kidding, right?”

 

“Why don’t you deduce it, genius?” – So much for cooling down…

 

Everyone gasped for the umpteenth time that day and three Double-Os (006, 007 and 002) moved in unison to stand between Q and the two newcomers to save the boy from any attack that could come from the enraged Holmeses – they would protect him with their lives if needed.

 

“Please, Mr. Holmes and Mr. Holmes, can’t we just move on to other areas now?” – Pleaded M, not caring about how pathetic and unprofessional he must have sounded in front of Government officials and his own people. He wouldn’t let his Quartermaster be harmed!

 

“No, we most definitely can’t. We’ve come here to see our little brother’s workplace and to wish him happy birthday.” – Declared Mycroft, still trying to come to terms with what they had just learnt.

 

“Birthday?” – Q looked confused. – “It’s already the 14th? Really? Time’s really flying madly when you’re having fun.”

 

“BROTHER?” – Asked the others all at the same time, frantically looking around, hoping to spot said ‘brother’ because there was just no way _their_ Q could be related to these two insane men! Even though there _was_ a certain kind of resemblance between him and this Sherlock guy, everyone had to admit it…

 

But there was nobody else, especially nobody else who had birthday that very day… Impossible…

 

Bond of course couldn’t shut his mouth.

 

“There are _three_ of them?”

 

“Oh. My. God.” – Was all M could get out.


	3. Holmes Means Crazy!

“Ahm… all right, I think maybe introductions are in order? Guys, these are Mycroft and Sherlock Holmes: and indeed, they are my older brothers. And yes, 004, that means I’m a Holmes as well.” – Everyone stood completely frozen on spot, trying to process the information.

 

“You must be kidding! Holmes means crazy!” – Exclaimed 007.

 

“And you would be…?” – Asked Mycroft.

 

007 stepped up to him with a proud stance.

 

“Bond. James Bond.” – He said cheekily.

 

Mycroft Holmes ignored the man's outstretched hand and looked him up and down with a frown instead.

 

“Bond, heh? Interesting.”

 

James blinked with confusion but Q just ignored them as he continued.

 

“Mycroft, Sherlock: these are my colleagues, friends and also family here in MI6. And the ones who have left are my team. And there’s no reason to look that doubtful: I really am the Quartermaster. Have been for quite a few months now, actually.”

 

“So that was your secret this whole time? I thought you were a go-go dancer, or something…” – Muttered Sherlock. – “The truth is so much more boring than the scenarios created by my ingenious mind.”

 

“Well, sorry to disappoint. And I thought you were supposed to be the master of deductions, Sher. Go-Go dancer, really? That was the best you could come up with?”

 

“Well, I didn’t have much to go by, did I? Nothing to use for deductions. You never showed us anything about your work or even your life.” – Defended himself the middle brother resentfully.

 

“And that was the blissful state of things that should have remained intact for the next decade or so. It was intentional, you know. So why are you here really? Don’t tell me it’s because of my birthday. It has never brought you here before.”

 

“If you don’t want us to investigate your life, brother mine, then maybe you shouldn’t give us reason to worry about you.”

 

“What are you talking about, Myc?”

 

“Just look at you! You’re covered in cuts and burns and you’re skinnier than a skeleton. And when was the last time you slept? It’s not so long ago that you were delirious with fever because you wouldn’t stop your work long enough to take care of yourself. And now you’re again---“

 

“Stop it! I will not have this conversation with you. Especially not here. It’s MY life and MY environment.”

 

“They’re right though, you know…” – Said Alec and Q could immediately see the others agreeing. They had just met and were already ganging up on him! Oh, just splendid. It was unfair! He said so and Mallory stepped up to him to calm him down with a gentle hand on his shoulder, silencing the agents at the same time with a well-aimed glare directed at them.

 

“My boy, it’s your birthday, let’s not argue. We were actually planning a surprise party for you but… well… maybe it would be better if you now learned about it, considering the circumstances.” – He said with a nervous glance at the two older brothers as if asking for permission. How ridiculous…

 

“A party? For me? Really?” – He had never had a party! Wow… His mood suddenly lifted, he looked around at everyone with joy.

 

“Yes, and everyone is here for it. If it hadn’t been for that… khm… _distraction_ … we would be already celebrating. So, do you think you could get ready for it in… say… twenty minutes?”

 

“YES!” – He had to restrain himself because he felt like whooping.

 

Mallory looked like he was about to have his tooth pulled as he continued:

 

“Your brothers are of course invited as well.”

 

“I don’t think that’s necessary, they’re very busy you know, and---“

 

“Nonsense, Benedict, as I already explained: we’ve come to honor your birthday. Thank you for the invitation, Mr. Mallory, we’ll take up on it.”

 

“We will really?” – Asked Sherlock, looking positively nauseous at the idea. – “You know I don’t frequent _parties_.” – The way he had said it, one would think he’d been talking about something utterly disgusting.

 

“Yes, we will, pull yourself together. Please, excuse the behavior of our middle brother. He’s a bit… well… he’s Sherlock.”

 

The MI6 workers just blinked, unable to say anything to that. Except for Bond who giggled.

 

“ _’Benedict_?’ Is that really your name? Benedict Holmes? Like Pope Benedict?”

 

Somewhere in the background Tanner muttered ‘I knew at least about the Benedict-part… just not the surname. Someone must have thought it to be an unimportant detail…’

 

Q squinted murderously at him then turned back to 007.

 

“Shut up, Bond.”

 

“No, really! Like Spinoza?” – He was hit with the old transmitter squarely on the head, Q’s aim perfect as ever.

 

“Actually, his whole name is Benedict Dominic Holmes.” – Supplied Sherlock helpfully then turned with an innocently blank expression to his little brother who huffed and puffed in annoyance. – “What?”

 

The teenager was clearly not impressed with the continued presence of his brothers and that made Sherlock feel so much better about it. It actually nearly made up for the inconvenience of having to interact with these obviously totally insane _people_. He, of course, also understood the importance of learning as much as possible about their brother’s everyday life and the people he spent his days with. Most importantly: to learn about the bloke that had caused him so much pain with his behavior.

 

It didn’t mean he couldn’t be difficult about it though.

 

Q gave up the argument as lost and decided to focus on his first ever party instead. It didn’t stop him from pouting just for the show of it.

 

“Nothing! I’m going to shower and change!”

 

“You’re seventeen now, brother dear, time to lose the dramatics!” – Shouted Mycroft after him, gaining himself an angrily slammed office door.

 

The agents looked at each other in shocked wonder, trying to understand the dynamics between the three brothers.

 

Mycroft pulled out his cell phone from his pocket to arrange the present for their brother to be delivered into MI6 Headquarters for him to find later.

 

“Right… Ahm…” – Began M, feeling totally helpless, standing there with the two men he had hated just half an hour ago, and about whom he had now learnt were his right hand man’s _brothers_. What a mess. – “I think we should proceed with the preparations…”

 

Tanner nodded.

 

“I’ll go fetch the Q-Branch workers; see if they have destroyed their recreation room by now.”

 

“Make sure to tell them the news, Bill. If they want to faint, they should do it now, not later during the party.” – Warned Alec, still not able to completely process the facts.

 

“Well, I should go change as well.” – Declared Moneypenny and all but fled the scene.

 

The Double-Os quickly filed out as well, claiming they had ‘things to arrange’, leaving only M in the company of the two older Holmes brothers. It was a decidedly uncomfortable situation, one he would have liked to get out of as soon as possible.

 

The three men regarded each other silently, each seizing up the other. Finally, it was Sherlock who spoke up.

 

“You value Benedict a great deal.”

 

“Bene--? Oh. Right. Q. Of course I do.”

 

“You changed MI6 regulations to be able to make him your second in command.” – Continued Mycroft.

 

“Well, actually: we both did it. We worked out the new order together. After the explosion nothing really remained. The whole old Q-Branch was gone, Mansfield and Boothroyd – the previous leader and Quartermaster – had retired as well. Agents scattered around all over the world; some presumed dead or MIA… It was a chaos. It was Q, to whom I could turn. I was new here and he was only new in the position of Quartermaster but not new to MI6. Unlike me, he had already had a lot of experience here and also a bunch of ideas about improving the organization. I wanted him to have a say here and have power because I could never have done it alone. I haven’t regretted it for a moment.”

 

“Hmm… You didn’t hurt him.” – Observed the oldest Holmes.

 

“Hell, of course not!”

 

“And you weren’t involved in him faking his death either.” – Continued Sherlock, assessing the other man intently.

 

“No, I wasn’t with MI6 back then at all. I would never have encouraged it, that’s for sure. The old M had… well, you could say: _different_ opinion about things like that. She was more for the cost/benefit principle, if you know what I mean.”

 

“And you?”

 

“I like to remember we’re talking about human beings here.” – Admitted Mallory. – “Losing one’s entire family, while undeniably easier to work with in the secret service, is definitely not good for the person involved. Nor is it fair to said family.”

 

“I couldn’t agree more. So I hope that we clarified where we’re standing with each other: Benedict is and will remain _our_ brother. We’re not about to give up on him ever.”

 

Mallory swallowed hard.

 

“I understand. And I don’t expect you to.”

 

“Good.”

 

**Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q**

 

Everyone – except for Q – was back again, Moneypenny, Doctor Swann and R having changed into very good-looking dresses and sexy high-heels, the others festive as well. They were arranging the room for the party when a strange woman walked in with complete calm and ease, carrying a big box, like it was the most natural thing ever.

 

“Who is that?” – Exclaimed Rodriguez, trying to decide if his eyes were playing tricks on him or someone really had entered unguided the heavily guarded MI6 Headquarters.

 

Everyone stared as Mycroft approached and greeted the woman.

 

“Ah, Anthea! I trust everything is all right with the package?”

 

“Of course, sir. I’ll just deposit it in Benedict’s office as soon as he exits. He won’t notice anything.”

 

“Very good, please do so. Then you may finish for the day.”

 

“Thank you, sir. And please, tell the kiddo happy birthday from me.” – With that she walked into the far end of the room where she would be able to remain unnoticed by the teenager, should he come out.

 

Tanner paled.

 

“Was that package examined by the guards? How did she manage to come in and even bring an unknown parcel without any of us being notified prior to it?”

 

“She’s my assistant, Mister Tanner, she can come and go wherever I send her.”

 

“But---“

 

“It’s also not my fault that your security is apparently abysmal.”

 

M pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly.

 

“I’ll be sure to give Mr. Ford the message.”

 

“I just can’t believe---“ – Began Bill.

 

“Oh, stop that incessant whining. It’s _boring_!” – Sherlock’s warning certainly put an end to any further objections. It seemed there was no use trying to stick to any protocols when the Holmes men were involved.

 

And now there were three… God have mercy on the world!

 

**Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q**

 

A few of the Double-Os approached the strange woman hiding in the corner cautiously.

 

“So, your name’s really Anthea?” – Began Alec.

 

The woman, ‘Anthea’, just stared at him nonplussed, but he wasn’t a spy for nothing; he wouldn’t give up that easily. The woman was beautiful! He tried again.

 

“It’s a cool name. Certainly unique… It seems to be the trend with the Holmes family, doesn’t it?”

 

“I’m not a member of their family, Mr. Agent, and whatever you think, you’re not subtle with wanting to gain information about me.”

 

006 blinked but decided to try to initiate a conversation again.

 

“Alec Trevelyan.” – Maybe starting with an honest introduction would help…

 

“All right, Mr. Agent.” – Or maybe not…

 

“Okay… So you’re not a family member…” – He tried no to sound too relieved about this fact. – “You’re an employee of the family then?”

 

“Evidently.”

 

“Ahm…”

 

“I think you might be needed to help with the preparations, Mr. Agents.”

 

Okay, so much for trying to win her over… Alec shook his head dejectedly and decided she must be involved with her boss. They all returned to decorating.


	4. Let's Party!

Q finished showering and dressing in record time but even like that, by the time he emerged from his office, looking considerably fresher and happier than before, the party was already in full swing, Q-Branch having been miraculously converted into a ballroom, complete with ‘Happy birthday, Q’ signs and balloons with a big ‘17’ on them. The tables have all been rearranged to stand by the walls, bearing instead of computers and official looking papers all kinds of sandwiches, drinks (even alcoholic beverages at which the teenager gaped in surprise – was it not forbidden to bring anything to do with alcohol into HQ?) and every imaginable kind of confectionery. (‘Mycroft must feel in Heaven’ – Thought the birthday boy.)

 

Music was playing softly in the background and the general atmosphere was relaxed, happy.

 

All the minions seemed to have recovered from their initial fright and were now, cups of punch in hand, contently talking and joking among each other in a corner. They were still avoiding any kind of contact with the two older Holmes brothers (and that included eye-contact which in turn made them sometimes walk into people out of fear of looking up and meeting Mycroft or Sherlock’s eyes) but otherwise they didn’t look bothered anymore. Sure, alcohol might have had a role in their relaxed attitude but if so, Q wasn’t about to complain – as long as they would be fit for work the next day for their respective shifts of course.

 

The Double-Os consumed the alcohol as if it were apple juice which surprised no one, and Q wondered how long it would be until one (or more) of them stood up on top of one of the tables and started to sing. Everyone knew they had an unearthly level of tolerance but still… it couldn’t be _endless_ , right? The boy wondered what M had been thinking when he had allowed these drinks to be brought into MI6. His next thought was: had the leader even had a say in it? Somehow he seemed to have lost his ability to influence the flow of things that day…

 

Madeleine had turned up in the meantime as well, and she was now sitting at the far end of the room with Moneypenny and R, presumably gossiping about some female thing or another. The boy honestly didn’t want to know the exact topic of their conversation; it was enough for him to see that they were having a good time. No man ever wanted to be part of girly chit-chat after all.

 

Tanner, M and – surprise, surprise – Bond were talking to his brothers in hushed voices. Now, that was even more worrying than the amount of alcohol being consumed… Especially the cold, calculating looks both his brothers were giving Bond. It looked dangerous, as if they were planning something. God, this couldn’t end well, could it? Q approached them cautiously, wanting to make sure they weren’t talking about anything that had to do with _him_. And that his brothers didn’t want to kill 007. His Double-O status wouldn’t be a problem for the two older Holmes if they really decided to get rid of him for some reason or another.

 

“Hi, guys, I just wanted to say a big ‘thank you’; it’s incredible, really.” – And he meant it more than what words could express.

 

“You’re very much welcome, son. Come on, eat and drink something: you deserve it!” – Said Tanner and steered the boy towards to food, away from his not-so-subtly conspiring brothers and their (still oblivious) would-be victim.

 

“Oh, does it mean I’m allowed to drink alcohol?” – Asked the teenager eagerly.

 

A resounding ‘No’ was the answer; the first big understanding between his ever overprotective big brothers and his equally protective MI6 friends. Q just rolled his eyes and went to look for some lemonade. (He could see right away that, sadly, there was no Earl Grey…)

 

“You’re only 17, Benedict, and no, I don’t care about emancipation, so don’t even bother arguing with me about it.” – Warned Mycroft, taking yet another pastry.

 

“Besides, someone ought to stay sober, ‘cause I’m afraid there will be a few people here needing assistance finding their way home tonight.” – Sherlock said, nodding towards where the agents had started a game of darts but – being England’s finest bio-weapons and all – couldn’t even meet the board most of the time with all the swaying they were doing.

 

“Oh, dear, the party only started half an hour ago.” – Lamented M and hurried to put an end to their antics, declaring that it was too dangerous to leave them to their own devices in this state.

 

Well, it turned out they could get drunk very quickly but also sobered just as speedily. By the time the huge birthday cake arrived (brought in by Bond and Alec in relatively smooth cooperation if you didn’t count Alec’s ‘You stepped on my foot, moron’ and James’ groaned ‘That’s because you’re unable to walk a straight line, you _Bigfoot’_ ), every one of them was again fully alert, ready to attack the dessert with gusto. Q was forced to wear a badge with a big ‘17’ on it, and a ‘happy birthday’ shako. Of course, suddenly everyone seemed to remember to fish out their cells from various hiding places to ‘check an e-mail’ or ‘see if they had any missed calls’ – in reality snapping picture after picture of the blushing boy. Q had already made plans for destroying the security cameras’ footage, now he would also have to think about something to do about the phones…

 

They also sang the ‘Happy birthday to you’-song for Q, which made the boy tear up for more reasons and only one of them was the fact that none, except for Moneypenny, seemed to be able to carry a tune.

 

Madeleine declared in a tone that left place for no argument, that the birthday boy should cut the cake, so Q got an enormous knife he was sure he wouldn’t even be able to lift but somehow managed to move in the end, and he started to hand out the slices on colorful paper plates (those also bore big 17s and a ‘happy birthday’ script on them). There was enough to feed a small army, so he wasn’t afraid someone wouldn’t get their share. He wasn’t sure but he thought Alec might have queued three or four times by the time everyone was nibbling away happily and Mycroft was eying the remaining cake as if he had wanted to attack it.

 

Q was sitting between Bond and a non-so-discreetly deducing Sherlock, trying to ignore the latter as he was concentrating on chewing the admittedly heavenly cake.

 

“So, you’re really the Quartermaster, aren’t you?” – So much for ignoring…

 

The boy sighed.

 

“Yes. I didn’t want you to know that though.”

 

“And why not?” – Joined Mycroft into the conversation, rolling over to them with the chair he was occupying. It was actually quite a sight, seeing Mycroft sitting on a plain swivel chair instead of his usual rich and elegant armchair, rolling around with it like a playful and naughty child. – “I, with my minor position in the Government, could help you with anything.”

 

“Well, that’s exactly why, Myc. I don’t want any help; I think I can arrange it all.” – Explained Q patiently just as 007 exclaimed in an unbelieving tone.

 

“A _minor position_!? Mr. Holmes, you are particularly the British Government personally. Everyone knows that!”

 

“Benedict, I can see that your friend is prone to melodramatics and the others seem totally crazy, too. It looks like you’re perfectly suited here.”

 

The boy knew that was the most approval he would ever get and felt immensely grateful for it, even if it had been worded as an insult. It was Mycroft after all. He turned to Sherlock, particularly pleading with his eyes. His middle brother, being the detective (even if only a consulting one) saw through him right away. He carefully placed his now empty plate behind him onto the desk, slowly arranged his suit and only then looked up to his baby brother to answer his unvoiced question.

 

“I guess this place might eventually turn out to be… adequate for you to work in.”

 

The now seventeen-year-old teenager yelped half surprised, half happily and hugged both his brothers out of a sudden burst of affection towards them. And while the two older Holmes looked totally taken aback and even mildly uncomfortable at that open display of emotions, Mycroft hugged back briefly and Sherlock patted his shoulder awkwardly, looking less disgusted with their small family bonding than even he himself would have expected.

 

Q released them and declared in a strangely chocked voice:

 

“Not that I require your permission of course. I can do whatever I want to do.”

 

“Of course, brother dear, of course.” – Shrugged Mycroft and took a scone.

 

Sherlock decided to humor him this once as well, and went to fetch a glass of wine.

 

Madeleine came to sit on the lap of Bond.

 

“You know, Q, your family is very---”

 

“I know: they are eccentric, lunatic, psychopathic, sociopathic…”

 

“Actually, the expressions I was looking for are more like ‘caring’, ‘protective’ and ‘loving’.”

 

“Oh. Well, that too I guess…”

 

Bond shook his head but whether it was to get rid of Dr. Swann’s hair in his face or because of the boy’s ignorant attitude, remained undecided.

 

“I really don’t understand why you didn’t want us to know about them.”

 

“They’re not usually that… manageable, you know.”

 

“Whatever. I think I like them.”

 

“Yeah, I guess you would. They haven’t kidnapped you after all. Yet.”

 

James looked confused.

 

‘Oh, you’ll soon understand.’ – Thought Q to himself, having figured out his brother’s earlier interest that they had shown towards the agent. He knew he could stop their plan even before anything would happen but it might be more interesting to just let things play out and watch from afar for now.

 

**Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q**

 

As the evening progressed and the Holmes brothers actually talked to MI6 people (especially one James Bond), it turned out during a conversation that Bond knew John Watson from their military training days and given that they used to be friends, even asked Sherlock to arrange a meeting for the two of them soon.

 

Neither of the two younger Holmes brothers was keen on the idea of having more connection between these two, completely different worlds, but knowing that it would be impossible to stop 007 now anyway, Sherlock sent John an SMS, inviting him to meet them in front of Headquarters in half an hour.

 

Mycroft informed M about their new guest arriving and getting him the necessary clearance to enter HQ.

 

“But, Mister Holmes, I don’t even know who this man is…” – Mycroft raised an eyebrow that said ‘isn’t it enough that I know?’ more clearly than any words could have and that had Mallory falter in his protest. – “Ahm… Yes, Mister Holmes, of course.” – Poor M had already resigned himself to the fact that this time he actually didn’t have any say in matters like that at all. Mycroft Holmes bloody outranked even him, regardless of him officially not having any influence over MI6. He had an influence over the _world_.

 

Q shook his head at Sherlock’s rash antics.

 

“You didn’t even ask if it was a good time for him.” – Observed the boy. – “What if he’s busy elsewhere and not ready to jump at your request right away?”

 

Sherlock just looked confused.

 

“How could he be busy? I’m not there.”

 

Bond blinked surprised, Q rolled his eyes and Mycroft made a ‘don’t mind him, he’s not completely sane’ gesture with his hands.

 

But sure enough, a disheveled-looking John arrived exactly 29 minutes later, just as the small welcoming committee (Mycroft, Sherlock, Q and Bond) exited the building to meet the new guest to give him his visitor’s badge (‘access anywhere’) and to accompany him inside.

 

“Sherlock, what is it? Where have you been? I was worried, you said you’d be home at around 6 and now it’s nearly half past nine and you suddenly demand my presence in Vauxhall without any explanation. Is there a problem?”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, I just wanted you to meet someone. Actually, no, I didn’t want you to meet him but he wanted to meet you… Anyway: John, this is---“

 

“James Bond!?” – John’s eyes widened then he broke out in a grin as the two men embraced. – “Oh, Jesus, it’s been _years and years_! How are you, old man?”

 

“--- James Bond, right. That’s what I was about to say.”

 

But the two men completely ignored Sherlock.

 

“Oh, I’m fine, keeping in shape and all, you know.” – 007 winked charmingly.

 

“Wow, you work here? An agent of MI6? I didn’t understand why Sherlock wanted to come with Mycroft today.”

 

“It wasn’t because of me; I’m just an added bonus. It was because of him there.” – Bond explained, pointing at the boy who had been until now half hidden behind his brothers. – “Did you know there were more of them?”

 

Now John looked positively panicky.

 

“More? You mean, there’s a _fourth_ one?”

 

“Ahm… no… at least I don’t think so… Q?”

 

“Only the three of us, guys, don’t worry.”

 

“Thank God! Ahm… Happy birthday, Benedict. Sherlock told me it was today.”

 

“Thank you, John.”

 

“So, what are you doing here? Did you come with these two?” – He asked, pointing at the two older Holmes men.

 

“No. I work here too. I didn’t even know they were coming.”

 

“What? You work here?”

 

“Ah, John, don’t be slow, I’ve told you a hundred times he is a genius and has a hush-hush Government job. Well, not so hush-hush anymore, I guess, is it, Benedict?”

 

“Oh, do shut up.”

 

Sherlock ignored him.

 

“He’s the Quartermaster.”

 

“Quart--- Like by the pirates?”

 

Bond proceeded to explain everything to the confused man while the three brothers slowed down to let them pass. They didn’t feel the need to be included in their conversation.

 

“Oh, good Lord, now they’re going to be catching up, and ignore all of us for the remaining of the party.” – Observed an amused Q.

 

“It’s impossible. John doesn’t ignore me.”

 

“Well, he hasn’t seen his good friend for years, Sher.”

 

“He doesn’t have _friends_. He only has me. He doesn’t have the time.”

 

Mycroft gave Sherlock a pitying look and Q smirked at him while the middle Holmes brother pouted all the way back to the party.

 

**Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q**

 

John and James were sitting beside each other; Bond drinking a vodka and John eating a sandwich and a slice of cake. (Neither of them was bothered by the condemning looks Sherlock kept throwing them from across the room the whole time.)

 

The newcomer then asked.

 

“So, is _your_ Holmes a megalomaniac psychopath or an unbearable sociopath who makes everyone around him cry in frustration? I don’t really know him that much to tell you the truth. He seemed friendly enough the few times we met, but also a bit eccentric and dangerous. And, well… he’s a Holmes even if they say he’s the normal one of the lot. That really doesn’t say much with _those_ brothers…”

 

Bond pondered a bit before answering.

 

“Well, Q’s a boffin. He can do things with a computer you would never have dreamed about. He is also very committed to his goal, which is to keep _his_ agents safe. And he mothers his minions even though the youngest of them is more than 1,5x his age.” – Seeing his old friend’s questioning look, he added. – “The ‘minions’ are his employees in Q-Branch. He is the leader – Supreme Overlord – of that department and therefore responsible of hiring, training and in his opinion caring for them. It’s like a family of geeks down here… Spooky.”

 

“Wow. Sounds nothing like either of the older ones. They wouldn’t really care for anyone aside from each other, and would rather die than say even that out loud. They want to make us think they’re nonchalant about the whole world.”

 

“Well, he didn’t live with them for long. He must have had a reason to flee and seek refuge here at the tender age of 12.”

 

“I don’t really know much about it. Sherlock wouldn’t talk about their childhood or even tell me how their parents died. But I suspect it must have been tragic.”

 

Bond frowned at that.

 

“Why do you think that?”

 

“Well, for one, both died at the same time and relatively young though I guess they had Benedict pretty late, so they probably weren’t that very young... Still that makes me come to the conclusion that there was an accident of some sort.”

 

“Dear… I’ve never really thought about it. Q doesn’t talk about it at all.”

 

“It must have been horrible for the three of them. And Benedict was a little child, two years old I think. No wonder Mycroft felt responsible and wanted to protect him. Though from what I could gather, he overdid it quite a bit…”

 

“So that could have been the boy’s reason to leave as soon as he could… It’s funny that you call him Benedict, I hadn’t heard that name until a few hours ago. I just can’t associate it with him…” – Mused Bond and made a mental note to research into that direction a bit soon. Q was just so full of secrets but maybe now, with these new findings he’d have a chance of learning something. – “But please, tell me: what do you do? Where do you live? What is your connection with those madmen and how do you know so much about them?”

 

“Oh, if only you knew… You see, it was like that: the day I met them first, Sherlock told me where I was going to live, got me into an investigation where I had to shoot someone and Mycroft kidnapped me to offer money for spying on Sherlock… It was a mess, really, I still don’t understand why I didn’t run screaming the other way.”

 

“Probably because – if I remember correctly – you were always a bit addicted to danger even in our younger years.”

 

“Just like you. Not everyone – certainly not a sane person – would want to work for MI6…”

 

“Yeah, just like me.”

 

And so they told each other everything that had happened to them over the last few years.

 

**Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q – Q**

 

 

“Time for presents!” – Announced Moneypenny not long after 10 PM with slightly more enthusiasm than you would expect from a mere guest of a party.

 

Without waiting for the others to move or do anything, she produced a small, neatly packed box seemingly out of nowhere and handed it to the boy.

 

Q took it with a blush.

 

“I really didn’t expect a present. Thank you, Eve!” – He carefully unwrapped the box, taking his time so he wouldn’t tear the packaging. Inside he found… - “A small, blue duffel coat, a little red explorer hat and an equally tiny briefcase?” – He asked confusedly.

 

“It’s for Paddington! He’ll need these items! Come on, dress him properly, he can’t travel naked after all, he’d freeze to death! You don’t want a sick, grumpy bear, do you?”

 

(Sherlock exclaimed “A bear!? The one you brought to us once?” and Mycroft raised an eyebrow, but everyone ignored them.)

 

“Travel?” – Asked Q now feeling like he was missing something, especially seeing the know-it-all smiles on all his friends’ faces around him. Moneypenny handed him the stuffed bear (he didn’t want to know when and how she had gotten it from his office) and helped him dress it properly. He had to admit, it really looked very cute in the clothes that fit it perfectly. It was now really dressed for travel.) – “Where is Paddington traveling?” – He asked, trying to make sense of things. It seemed quite eccentric to be talking about a toy bear as if it were alive…

 

“Why, he’s traveling to Paris of course!” – Said Tanner, unable to contain himself anymore. – “Along with you and me. You wouldn’t want to leave him here alone, would you?”

 

“What?” – The teenager didn’t understand anything. – “Am I going on a field assignment again?”

 

Everyone blinked, while M hurried to reassure the boy.

 

“No, no, my boy, it’s not a mission, it’s vacation.”

 

“Vacation…?” – Repeated Q slowly like a word of a foreign language. He looked around to see if someone would crack and laugh at him.

 

“Yes, you know, Q: a time when you just relax and enjoy yourself.” – Teased Alec.

 

“You mean… What do you mean?”

 

“We mean Q that you and me will travel next Tuesday to Paris. And don’t worry, you won’t have to get near a plane: we’ll take the early morning Eurostar. We’ll spend eight days there and will travel home also with the Eurostar on the 25th. And while we’re there we will visit everything you’d like to see, walk around the city and we’ll just generally have a good time. No work at all.” – Tanner explained patiently, as if talking to a small child about things it hadn’t had any experience with and therefore had trouble understanding.

 

“And we’re not going to work? But what about missions?”

 

“The agents are all scheduled for training here in Headquarters for that time. No missions planned.” – Informed him M.

 

“Oh!” – Exclaimed the boy. – “Then I’m really glad I’m not going to be here to have to listen to all of them complaining about boredom at the same time.”

 

Moneypenny visibly paled.

 

“I haven’t thought about it… Sir, may I ask for a few days off, too? I could accompany Bill and Q to Paris to keep them safe…”

 

“Don’t even think about it, Miss Moneypenny. You are going to be the one overseeing the trainings.”

 

Moneypenny groaned good-naturally while the Double-Os winked at her with evil smiles that promised not much good for her.

 

The meaning of the gift slowly started to sink in.

 

“So, we’re really going to travel to Paris for a vacation?” – He asked again, just to make sure he had understood right. – “Like _really_ really?”

 

Tanner tousled his hair affectionately.

 

“Yes, _really_ really. I hope you’re excited!?”

 

“You can bet! I’ve never been there!” – Everyone laughed at his enthusiasm, and even Mycroft and Sherlock looked… well… not totally disgusted with the idea. That was something.

 

The smile on the boy’s face as he looked at the fully dressed bear (he refrained from hugging it in front of all the people… he _was_ seventeen after all) made everyone happy about their choice of present.

 

“You’re really going to travel with a teddy?” – Teased Sherlock.

 

“You’re just jealous because you only have a dull skull that can’t even smile.”

 

“I’ll have you know, my skull is---“

 

“Khm…” – Began Mycroft. – “When we were so nicely invited to stay for this party, I arranged for Anthea to bring here your presents. They should be in your office by now. Not much of a security I might add and also you’re not very observant. She sneaked them in without you noticing it even though you were only a few steps away from your office the whole time.”

 

“You have presents for me?” – Asked the boy in disbelief, ignoring everything else that had been said, then dashed into his private office without waiting for an answer to check for himself instead. The others were still only halfway there when they could already hear him shouting. – “Oh my God! Oh my GOD!”

 

The scene that they found upon entering the boy’s office just called for a camera – so naturally, everyone quickly found their cell phones and feverously started snapping pictures again. The minions – knowing their boss very well – instantly uploaded them to at least three different (of course locked) websites and other devices so that it would be impossible for the boy to hack and delete all of them later.

 

Q was lying on the floor, conquered by none other than two small kittens that were now sitting on his chest, licking his face and purring contently. One was a white Bengal cat with startlingly huge blue eyes, and the other was calico that looked like it had accidentally smeared various color paints (light brown, black and white) on itself, totally randomly. Both were very-very cute.

 

“We couldn’t decide between these two.” – Explained Sherlock simply. – “Both seemed to want to come with us anyway. Try to get rid of such insistent beasts…”

 

“We even tried to make a draw but then thought that maybe two of them would be able to play with each other better while you work. They’re both female by the way.” – Continued Mycroft feeling a bit uncomfortable. Who would have thought he’d be shy?

 

The teenager tried to imagine his brothers shopping for kittens. It was not easy to picture: Mycroft hated legwork and Sherlock hated animals. Both hated shopping in general. Had they really done that for him anyway?

 

“I LOVE both of them!” – Announced Q, feeling very touched.

 

“They’re adorable!” – Giggled Moneypenny, joining Q on the floor to pet the kittens. They, naturally, instantly took a liking to her, not unlike any living creatures, really. – “What are you going to call them?”

 

“Hm… I think… this one (he pointed at the calico cat) is going to be called Confetti. And she (he pointed at the white kitten) will be Pixel.” – Everyone laughed at that. The kittens seemed already content with their names if their purring was anything to go by. – “But who will look after them while I’ll be in Paris? I shouldn’t leave them alone that soon…”

 

“Don’t worry, they have here everything they need; we have made sure of that.” – Explained Mycroft, referring to all the cats’ essentials scattered around the office that Q hadn’t noticed before. – “Cat beds, carriers, litter, food, toys… Everything. It took Anthea two turns to carry everything inside. And you didn’t even notice it… Your observation skills leave something to be desired, my dear little brother.”

 

Q rolled his eyes.

 

“Anyway, they will be all right here for a week.”

 

M sighed but didn’t offer objections against MI6 Headquarters obviously becoming the home of two playful kittens from that moment on. Not that anyone would care about his opinion anyway, he was just the leader of MI6 after all… Their _boss_.

 

“And we’ll all keep an eye on them. They can also come home to me if they get bored here.” – Continued Eve.

 

“They’ll be taken care of, don’t worry, Overlord.” – Promised R, crouching down and cooing to the little ones in awe.

 

Seeing that Eve, R and Q were totally engrossed in playing with the two cats, the others left them to it and went back to eat the few crumbs that were still left before the guest slowly said their goodbyes and one by one left to go home to sleep for a little while before they had to come back the next day for work.

 

 

**Epilogue**

 

 

Q loved his two kittens dearly. He still had trouble imagining his brothers trying to pick them out of hundreds of small cats in the animal shelter. He was actually quite sure it had resulted in more than one row between the two Holmes men. It made him even more touched about it. Also, he was very glad that in the end they had decided to just simply get him both.

 

The now seventeen-year-old teenager thought he had a pretty good idea which of his brothers had selected which cat:

 

The white Bengal kitten, Pixel, just shouted Mycroft: pure and royal. She was the calmer of the two and somehow just had the air of authority around her. She meowed seldom but when she did, she was always loud and clear – impossible to ignore. She liked her comfortable cat bed and demanded to be fed richly with the best quality food that was on the market.

 

The calico, Confetti, must have been Sherlock’s choice: she was more energetic, she ran up and down the office like a whirlwind and most of the time could hardly be bothered to even stop to eat. She could move so fast and noiseless that Q sometimes nearly got a heart-attack when she just jumped at him from seemingly out of thin air. She refused to use her own cat bed, preferring to sleep at the end of Q’s, or sometimes even on the top of the boy’s head. She meowed a lot and was restless if she didn’t have enough space to move. She constantly needed new toys because she destroyed everything she got in just a few days. Her nails and teeth were legendary in Q-Branch: his minions had even developed a method of utilizing them for gadget tests. Yes, definitely Sherlock.

 

Q always felt like having the best side of both his brothers with him when the kittens were near, without having to put up with their most annoying quality: namely the ability to speak.

 

He hoped they’d be with him for a very-very long time to come.


End file.
